votw ii.29: I’m Voting For Dukakis

This week, we close out the Scoundrel Days album with the much-lauded music video for “I’ve Been Losing You.”

That’s it. That’s all I have for this week. Not much more to say about that, no…

Today in the U.S. of A., it is Labor Day, that most treasured of holy days that unofficially bookends the summer, for it has moved on, much like Honey. Just as Memorial beach Day kicks off the beachy season, so, too, does Labor Day kick off the smell of pencil shavings, stale candy corn, and edible cornucopias.

…No one should ever have to write so much about Labor Day, least of all me. I should be eating barbecue right now, dammit! Where are the firefighters and paramedics of the world who were supposed to save me from this fate? Sleeping?! Happy Birthday to me. -_-

[EDIT: It is now the next day, and, yes, the firefighters and paramedics of the world saved me from such a fate. I also got ice cream cake to boot. Also, it turns out that I can sing The Police’s “Message In A Bottle” better than Bee.]

Let’s see, how can we spruce up this blog…What’s going on in the news? I started my video-editing job two weeks ago, and my birfday was this past week. If that’s not enough, Mother Nature is pounding New Orleans right now. Also, a hurricane is passing through. Ba-ZING!!! What else, what else…Senator John McCain has chosen a Powerpuff Girl as his running mate, and I cannot wait until she remakes that schoolteacher-fantasy Van Halen music video. What was her name? Jewel? Obama the vote!

Wait, that’s not how the saying goes…Whatever, Tracey Gold will always be my first lady.

Remember, voting is not just a right, it’s a pyramid scheme. Push comes to shove, visit your local old folks’ home. They’re our most treasured bothers. So I hear. All the way from up here. My high horse’s name is Wingdangdoodle.

Things To Do:

1. Invest in retirement facilities (Baby Boomers about to go boom)
2. Haunt family in the afterlife (enjoy living without me, huh?!)
3. Jump from an airplane (slowly)
4. Make fun of someone’s toupée (according to body part)
5. Mate (furiously)
6. Learn the National Anthem (Radiohead mutter a lot)
7. Kill a large mammal (visit a Sbarro)
8. Loot (and loot good)
9. Have a street named after me (never vice-versa)
10. Stir up a mob (lynching optional)
11. Visit Europe (the Europe)
12. Have cake (defy gravity: eat it, too)
13. Own a puppy (puppies are nice)
14. Dance the Macarena in a barn on every continent (one down, six to go)
15. Kill all humans (ask good-looking girl to kill all humans with me)
16. Cease to be a misanthrope (killing all humans easier)
17. Beat Zombies Ate My Neighbors (giant babies, sleepless nights)
18. Listen to The Beatles (really listen to The Beatles, wink wink)
19. Marry for money (and the love of it)
20. Hug Oprah (inevitability’s a beach)
21. Marry Oprah (see 19 and 20)
22. Never settle (except for 21)
23. Party wit’ tha crew from Entourage (Johnny Drama’s my homie)
24. Attend movie premiere (opportunity to punch Vin Diesel rises exponentially)
25. Be James Bond (in small doses)
26. Change name to Chachi (mystique 1-UP)
27. Be a homewrecker (caught in laundry room, bonus points)
28. Buy a home (cash in on people’s current homelessness)
29. Push someone down a flight of stairs (the fatter, the funnier)
30. Hit a home run (in all sense of the phrase)
31. Do voiceover work (hentai optional)
32. Shoot a gun (with another gun)
33. Encourage people to not look up the word “hentai” on Google (link provided)
34. Coin a phrase (find someone to help coin it)
35. Have a world record (drink tears of previous record holder)
36. Master quantum physics (it’s this year’s Sudoku)
37. Solve a crime (not the ones I commit habitually)
38. Celebrate Kwanzaa (what the hell is Kwanzaa?)
39. Get a million hits on this blog (readers can’t be counted on to spread the word)
40. Write the great American novel (sell the great American movie rights)
41. Understand great religions of the world (Hinduism + Buddhism = The Human League)
42. Go to an a-ha concert (get lucky)
43. Cry in the rain (pulmonary complications pending)
44. Find a telemarketer (kill a telemarketer)
45. Encourage harmony among the races and ethnicities (even those damn Nicaraguans)
46. Come to terms with the menstrual cycle (not mine)
47. Do it in a movie theater (set it to Babe)
48. Learn to play an instrument (neither plastic nor clarinet)
49. Win an Academy Award (use it to score date with Scarlett Johansson)
50. Be lazier (render list null)

As I said, this week we bring you a-ha’s “I’ve Been Losing You,” an accomplished rock ‘n’ rollah piece about succumbing to psychosis, killing your wife, and waxing poetic to her decomposing corpse. (It’s quasi-necrophiliac.) Truly, one of a-ha’s most brilliantly-stitched works of narrative and composition:

It wasn’t the rain that washed away
Rinsed out the colours of your eyes
Putting the gun down on the bedside table,
I must’ve realized…

It wasn’t the rain that made no difference
And I could have sworn it wasn’t me
Yet I did it all so coldly, almost slowly
Plain for all to see…

I can still hear our screams competing
You’re hissing your S’s like a snake
Now in the mirror stands half a man
I thought no one could break…

It wasn’t the rain that made no difference
…nervously drumming on: run away
But I want the guilt to get me, thoughts to wreck me —
Preying on my mind!

So please now, talk to me, tell me things I could find helpful, how can I stop now, is there nothing I can do? I have lost my way — I’ve been losing you…and my faith in this music video. What the heck happened? You were coming off an incredible run of music videos for your first album. “Take On Me”? Still a phenom to this day. “The Sun Always Shines On TV”? Achingly profound. “Train Of Thought”? Amusing in a me-too sorta way. “Hunting High And Low”? It was nominated for a the Video of the Year at the MTV VMAs!

The train of thought (/facepalm) for this video was to “showcase” our dudes as musicians who can put on a live show — they’re not just cheekbones, hair, and Duran Duran’s usurpers of Teen Beat. Well, they were, and this music video only helps to further that maligned image of the trio. Some people can get away with making an interesting music video comprised of live footage — hey, a-ha did it themselves with “The Sun Always Shines On TV (Live)” and “Did Anyone Approach You.” “Early Morning” is somewhere in between. “I’ve Been Losing You” is pukatronic. It’s not on par with “There’s Never A Forever Thing,” but it does manage to best “Move To Memphis,” and that’s a feat onto itself. *Raspberries*

As the progenitor of The Master Storyline that roars through the bloodstream of a-ha’s works (?), this music video should have been The Great Gatsby. If these misconstrued analogies don’t throw you off, then perhaps the asinine editing gimmicks will, or perhaps even the gratuitous shots of the melting groupies in the front row will have you thumping to the nauseating gyrations. F your i, I have nothing against groupies (I look forward to meeting my own in the very near future), but when one is trying to distance oneself from the *N Sync image, you don’t parade screaming girls and ripped jeans — you team up with Timbaland and break Britney Spears’ heart all over again! (Even if the former action didn’t help Duran Duran’s career any…)

So here are Nordic cheekbones and New Wave pompadours for your viewing pleasure — Top of the Pops, eat your heart out. *Goes back to Googling Scarlett*


~ by Alfredeus on September 1, 2008.

One Response to “votw ii.29: I’m Voting For Dukakis”

  1. what groupies, praytell?

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