votw ii.5: My Naked Enemy? Yeah, I Wish. -_-

Happy V.D., chums!

But, then, one always hopes their V.D. is happy, right? And yet, even St. Valentine had a pretty crummy time…

For me, Valentine’s Day has always been the culmination of so many promises — Valentine’s night, I prepare the suture for the heart scabs.

(I’m no MD, so scabs and sutures go hand-in-hand like penicillin and potato chips.)

Browsing the Online Bible, I have come to the conclusion that no one card company invented Valentine’s Day. In fact, no one did. It always just was. Life before high-speed Internet and The Kelly Kapowski? I think not.

So why are people so down on the holiday? Surely, there must be a reason why so many lovers and Saved By The Bell episodes look forward to the occasion. As a kid, I was supposed to hand out Valentine cards to others in my class. I never did*, yet I fully expected to get noticed by the girls in my class. No one ever cho-cho-chose me.

*OK, I actually handed out Star Wars Valentines in sixth grade. Smelled the sulfur in the air afterwards, too.

As one delves into adolescence, Valentine’s Day becomes the opportunity to hyperventilate in front of so many pimply faces. Personally, it gave me the chance to flex my more creative methods for wooing members of the opposite sex. I’ll be sure to mention in a future blog post when I find out if any of my unorthodox methods of the past eight years prove to be successful.

I’m thinking about that Human League song that goes, “I’m ony human, of flesh and blood I’m made / I’m only human, born to make mistakes.” Me, I’m only mistakes, born to be human.


“I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.”

Makes me wonder what a-ha think of the “holi”day. I’m sure Paul must write an entire album worth of songs for Lauren; Morten must shine that infamously coy smile of his as his better half makes him an omelet; Mags must paint a picture with the phrase “cellar door” written in Celtic.

Speaking of yucky love, today we have “Spanish Steps,” the first solo video to be featured on the ever popular Video of the Week. From Morten’s Wild Seed album, “Spanish Steps” is a sequel to The Human League’s “Human.” I should stop mentioning the cast of Three’s Company already because Mr. Harket is getting quite jealous. (Since “Human” seems to be this year’s February love theme for me, I just wanna mention that The Smiths’ “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out” was last year’s theme. And anybody cares, why?)

Anyway, “Scalinata della Trinità dei Monti“:




How do I describe this video…Um, blue. Not just blue, but da ba dee blue. If Oompa Loompas had been blue, then they would have guest-starred with Mort. “Oompa Loompa, du pa dee doo, I have another riddle for you. How many times will images be projected onto bodies — before-it-becomes-cliche?” Oh, I’m sure it would sound more whimsical if Johnny Depp Gene Wilder were involved with this blog.

My interpretation is this: Morten gets lost undersea whilst searching for the whales, and he stumbles upon a mermaid named Gerald. They live happily ever after when the alien spaceship, Madison Square Garden, abducts them. I don’t understand why mermaids so fair have such odd names.

There you go, kiddies, my attempt at making a semi-coherent, quasi-Valentinish blog post centered around Morten Harket’s love of blankets and color gels. Cold As Stone awaits. ALL of Cold As Stone, hmph!


*Alfred weeps softly to himself*
I’m only human.



~ by Alfredeus on February 12, 2008.

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