votw ii.30: Buy Me A New iPod? Please? I’ll Trim Your Nipple Hairs!

So here I am, once again, once again.

What have I been doing lately? Not much beyond working and, uh, “working.” Being in a cubicle for the entirety of a waking day is a great way to discover music. In fact, I recommend LastFM.com as the best way to find exciting up-and-comers and old warhorses who deserve another once-through.

Like Pandora.com, LastFM recommends music you would like based on that garbage you consider taste, but unlike that ineffectual Spanish girl group (¡pero mira como beben los peces en el rio!), LastFM intrinsically “knows” your likes because of your irrepressible need to scrobble.

If you’re not in the know, scrobbling records every song you listen to, and if you’re as OCD as the rest of us, you will want to know that you’ve heard “Empire State Human” two more times than “Love Is A Shield” in the past year and a half. Useless? Totally. But not really.

You can judge all of my glorificent music likes at lastfm.com/user/Alfredeus — so I listen to Ray Coniff, big whoop, you wanna fight about it?

Unfortunately, unwanted side-effects tend to occur: 1) the realization that the French love their electronic music too much, 2) I do too, 3) now I have to go out there and acquire Frenchie bloops for myself, 4) my 500 GB external hard drive dies due to this exploration, 5) I require a newer, meaner iPod to house it all, 6) listen to 12% of everything inside newer, meaner iPod.

I won’t go so far as to label myself an audiophile, though. However, I do possess the misfortune of liking music whose makers aren’t on the tongues of high school statutories, so that means I will never see The Knife swing on by on some random Friday night for a cool 20 dollarazos. A shame, too — Miami is supposed to be party central!

That’s right, I think about statutory tongue. Constantly.

Constantly.

*Back to cubicle duties*

*Back from cubicle duties*

God bless the software gods and their penchant for forging an infinite number of file extensions, each one more incompatible than the last.

I was thinking that perhaps this blog could focus on the movies to look forward to this Fall season. The Summer Blockbuster Bonanza has yielded the biggest box office tally evar (in spite of Indy’s mediocrity), and this Autumn is primed to be just as bitchin’. Except it’s not.

What do we have to look forward to? A flurry of period pieces with the same cinematographer — the No Country For Old Men/There Will Be Blood effect. This isn’t a bad thing necessarily. I mean, this is the time when the big Oscar hopefuls roll out in full force and when Focus Features craps all over your popcorn. We won’t see any big “hype” films until we get closer to Christmas. Think Lord of the Rings circa 2oo8. If only…

So what big namers should we be expecting? Well, if you really, really like vampires (and happen to be a 12-year-old Fall Out Boy fan), then Twilight should be right up your alley. So, like, what the hell are you doing reading this? You’re missing The Hills, girl!

Frick. I’m missing The Hills, girl!

I was only really looking forward to two movies this quarter of the year, and I can’t wait to see Quantum of Solace and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Oh, no! Strikethrough is a prophet of doom!

The geniuses at Warner Bros. needed a tent pole Summer film next year, what with the writers’ strike earlier this year effin’ up film production, so naturally they uprooted HP from November. Son of a damn. Fiscally, it makes a lot of cents, but as a Hermione admirer, I am outraged. Outraged!

The Potter films were spaced a year and a half apart. Tradition shattered! Besides, they always feel much more like a Christmas movie than anything else. The snow, the main theme song, the invisible cloak misadventures, the New Year’s hangover and not remembering what happened in Dumbledore’s office that night or why no one will look Ron in the face anymore.

Which leaves only Quantum of Solace as the only blockbuster to keep me warm at night. We all know that 2oo6′s Casino Royale was a spectacular movie (and an even better OO7 flick), in spite of initial James Blond reservations. The expectation to better an already terrific film was achieved with The Dark Knight — will James Bond’s first direct sequel be as equally successful? The new trailer paints a very promising picture (link). OK, it paints an AMAZING Picasso!

Batman, Bond (it’s looking a lot like the 1960s, isn’t it?) — everyone’s a brooder these days. I want to see Inspector Gadget take this same downtrodden, real world approach. The clincher? Penny’s death.

So that’s it. Bond will face neo-S.P.E.C.T.R.E and Potter won’t discover who the Half-Blood Prince till the humidity escalates. There’s also that backwards Brad Pitt in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button to look forward to, but why go out of my way to advertise a non-franchise not worth billions?

At this juncture in the program, I would give a hearty spiel about how awesome a-ha/Savoy/Magne/Morten/Akroyd is/are/were, but I’m not gonna do that despite my moral obligation to the a-hacolytes. Don’t blame me — blame the greedy hoarders who don’t want to distribute their videos on YouTube. (Still waiting for Savoy’s “Empty Of Feeling.”)

This week’s case worsens — the video is on YouTube, but the lone uploader refuses to allow embeddedededability. They are getting off on being withholding! Off on!

So I have no choice but to stick a measly link to Magne F’s “Past Perfect Future Tense” this week. (It’s basically a PSA to encourage bettar grammers.) Ridiculous!

Sigh. Click: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D0YfwRzN9dM

Go there and heckle Lenne1373. I know I did.

F your i, I do not share the opinions of lawfirmz lolcat. Hilarious.

~ by Alfredeus on September 11, 2008.

One Response to “votw ii.30: Buy Me A New iPod? Please? I’ll Trim Your Nipple Hairs!”

  1. i remember some song about fish when i was little, choreographed and everything. but then, that had some religious connotation, it being catholic school and all.
    and if you can’t label yourself an audiophile, i’ll label you a music whore. problem solved.
    surprisingly, i’m looking forward to several movies, but like you said, none of them really blockbusters. oh, and quantum of solace comes out the day after my birthday, but i want to go to vagabond that night too, so figure something out and get back to me. kthxbye. (haha)

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